Kris blows in every week or so like a Hurricane, always dressed in Nursing scrubs, either on her way to or from work, tells us what's happening in her life, and future plans she's making.
I'm silent for a moment.
Kris sits beside me and leans in closer for my answer.
I am very thoughtful.
"Only two things," I eventually say.
For the first time, I'm out of places to go. Now it's too physically challengingly, I'd quickly lose energy and focus and Sarah and Che would be left with a mess to manage, and those days are over.
"I want to live until October 25, and be at Che's Birthday party."
"I'm coming," Kristen beams, "and I've taken off two weeks for it."
"Good," I say patting her leg.
"And then I want to live until December 6 to perform Laurel's wedding."
Kristen looks at me with anticipation, but I have nothing else to add, so silence hangs in the air.
"What about Christmas?" she asks with a flushed, worried and scared face.
"Well, that would be nice," I say.
"But Daddy," she says throwing her head into my chest, still sore from face planting last week.
"Kris," I say, pulling her back up in a sitting position, "none of this may happen, but I hope they do."
Her eyes grow big, and I smile.
"I don't want a world without my Daddy," she cries in a breaking voice.
"Oh honey, it's just part of it. My time's ending and we're trying real hard to stay in front of dying so it doesn't sneak up on anybody."
Leaning upright, she stares into my still smiling eyes, wipes the tears from hers, and nods.
I've decided my Guardian Angel must hate me more than ever because she's on an assignment that simply will not end. This is primarily because of being up all night because of cancer issues. I think she loves keeping me up!
"How is he still here?" Sarah's asked from a friend she's run into.
"I have no idea," she answers with a shrug.
"He just keeps doing what he's doing?"
"Drinking and smoking pot? Yes."
They laugh.
"I hope he keeps on."
"Me too!"
Well, me too, but it's not going to, and we're very honest about that in our house, and that it'll probably happen without any notice.
So, we say the words out loud, lest they hold any dominion over any of us.
"Dad," Che asks, "will you be here when I start 4th grade?"
We're snuggled on the sofa, sharing her baby blanket, playing on our phones and talking.
"I don't know baby," I honestly answer. "Probably not."
"Okay," she says, taking a call from a friend to play Internet games.
I don't know why I'm blessed to be given this extra time, a science defying gift of holiness that can't be explained, but I'm being gifted extra day upon day.
I am so grateful, humbled beyond belief.
But I want more.
I want a birthday party.
And I want a wedding.
Maybe Christmas.
*******
My Celebration of Life delightfully lingers but is coming to an end. Help me make sure Sarah and Che will be fine without me.
Please consider being part of their future at https://gofund.me/ffda4f4b
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